I was having a pretty good day today.  I've been lacking in energy for awhile and have felt such a boost this past week.  We got a new refrigerator and oven this morning which was badly needed.  I volunteered in Madeleine's class and  there is one little boy who is quite a trouble maker.  He seems to have anger issues.  I would try everything to make him laugh to cheer him up and he would just growl.  He's been doing better the past few weeks and today he actually ran up to me and gave me a hug!  It made my day.  Even at the post office I was complemented on how well behaved my kids are.  Then...duh dum...I took Julian to the dentist.  I have been going to this dentist for the past seven years.  It's within walkable distance from our house and I love the dental hygientist.  Well, I guess I forgot to pay a $25 bill.  Because of that, they now need all payment up front and THEN submit the bill to the insurance company.  Then I would get reimbursed.  I can understand if I owed thousands of dollars.  I have good insurance that pays the bulk of the bill, so now they are afraid I will neglect to pay them the pennies (in relative terms of course) that is due them.  Needless to say, I left.  That was bad planning on their part to tell me this right before the appointment, because now they had an empty slot in a much sought after time period.  I walked out feeling like all the years of business my family gave them meant nothing. 

This seems to be a theme in my life, more pronounced at different times, than others.  The feeling that I am one step away from being the brunt of someone's anger or indifference.  One missed payment?  Now we don't trust you. One misunderstanding?  You're not my friend anymore.  I'm not being dramatic, I have had lots of friends just become unreachable.  Not necessarily over a misunderstanding but just stopped returning my calls.  Is it just me?  I can honestly say it hasn't been anything I've done on my end, except try too hard.  In fact, those people will apologize either realizing their anger was misplaced or for neglecting our friendship.   I am able to objectively look at these experiences now and just see a pattern.  Letting go has become easier as I go along, thank God!  The pain doesn't consume me like it did even six months ago.  I just want to focus on being the best mom I can be for my children and if I don't have many people to share the ride with then oh well.  Between Julian's ADHD and Madeleine's energy, I don't have my own energy anymore to dwell on people that don't need me in their lives.  Don't get me wrong, I'd rather have a big group of (local) friends, but that is just not reality right now.  I have read motherhood can be a very lonely time and it is true in my case. Wow, I guess this post is all over the place, but it's nice to vent.  Really, this isn't supposed to be a pity Karen post, I'm just putting my thoughts in a bottle to float on the ocean of the internet.  OK that was corny, but you get the idea.

Does anyone besides Julio get the joke in my title? Anyway, last weekend Julio was invited down to the Baltimore area to be apart of a sci-fi convention. We just became AAA members and I was hoping to put my card to good use. Of all the hotels in the area, La Quinta had everything we were looking for. The rate was good ($66/night), it had an extended continental breakfast, and the room looked great from the pictures. It was in Edgewood, MD which is about a half hour north of Baltimore. I called AAA to see what other benefits I could take them up on. The woman on the phone told me they could print out a little booklet with directions and maps. I was pretty impressed with it, and it makes a nice souvenir you could include in a scrapbook. At the AAA store, they had a magnetic license plate game which is a must have for me now on trips. It takes a lot to impress my son, and he finally started having fun putting little license plates of the states he saw on the magnetic board. Madeleine chose a My Little Pony magnet board, but it still remains untouched.

After the debaucle of entering someone else's room (this is old news if you follow my husband's blog...) everyone was very impressed with the spaciousness of the room and it's amenities. We met up with our Doctor Who friend Bill and his daughter for dinner that night. The next day was spent in the hallways of the Crown Plaza hotel in Timonium, MD. I have never been surrounded by so many storm troopers at once, it was kind of scary. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would see Klingons up close escorting a prisoner down a hallway to a "prison cell." Klingons...up close...whoa. That's what I get for marrying a sci-fi guy. The hotel originally wanted to charge us for the children to enter. Julio was only allowed one guest. Well, it was $25 a child and there was no way their program was worth that to my kids. Madeleine had a period that she would pretend she was Capt. Janeway but that's as far as it went. Julian...into sci-fi? Never say never, right? So the wonderful woman let us go in at no charge and we sat and listened to comic book debates, met writers and comic book artists. The children and I survived.


I felt it only necessary to treat the kids after all day of that, so on Sunday we went to Baltimore. In the past, I had driven past the city probably 3 times. I had no idea how cool it is. How could I have lived my life thus far and never known of the awesomeness that is Baltimore. I am a "by the water" type of person so the city and I get along just fine. I wish it wasn't so cold the day we went, I would have loved to walk around more. I had read it could be compared to Philadelphia in size and type. Philadelphia could never be so beautiful.

Since this was our first visit to the city, it only makes sense there would be some "know for next time" kind of blunders. I wish to share them with you now, so you may avoid these pitfalls. I like to research where I will go on a trip and look for printable coupons. I was impressed the Baltimore Aquarium had a coupon for parking but only in a particular parking garage. We looked around and never found where it wanted us to park. We wound up paying $20 to park for only 4 hours. The woman at AAA mentioned you could purchase Aquarium tickets at their office. I thought that was good to know but my goal was to visit the aquarium on Friday. If you go after 5:00 it's only around $8 to get in. It's around $25 otherwise (not including extras). I didn't purchase tickets on the off chance we could make it down there on Friday early enough to get in. Since that didn't happen, I assumed you could show your AAA card and just get a discount when you pay. No way. You have to purchase them at a AAA location. Another big mistake and now we have to pay full price. That makes me upset knowing I could be saving $4 a ticket. Not only do I not save anything, but due to the enormous crowd, we would not be allowed in right away. It's freezing and now we have to wait an hour to go in. That can be hard when you're on a schedule. At least the coolest Barnes and Noble was a walk away. They had a nice aquarium there. If the children were toddlers, that tank full of fish would have been cool enough for them. Then we could have gone home. The aquarium was packed which made it difficult to make it a laid back learning experience.

Tips: Bring your own snacks, juice boxes and bottles of water. They want an arm and a leg, and no one checks your bag at the door. It was the same price for a dinky soft pretzel that is was for a whole slice of pizza ($3.50) so beware. I had never seen a dolphin in my life and am so happy to say I saw two. The pics speak for themselves.
 


  


We saw no clear way back to I-95 and found ourselves on another road heading north.  Our AAA map proved resourceful and we found our way back on 95 once more.  Dinner was at the Double T Diner which is a must if you're on 95 and have a need for some cream of crab soup...yum!  Julian's class trip will be here in June and we'll actually see the dolphin show then.  And Shore Leave (another sci-fi convention) is coming up in July so Baltimore and I will cross paths once more, until then adieu mon cherie!

Greetings!  Yes it is I, Karen, actually posting on my site.  What a thought.  My Child Development class has kept me on my toes and next week I will be done with it forever.  I have also been working for the school district which was exhausting.  It seems my boss gave me all the work no one wanted to do.  I needed a mental break.  So this past weekend, we were able to visit with my cousin Kim in NJ.  After this weekend we now know what to do if we need to get off at any exit besides our own:  DON'T.  On the way down Madeleine had to use the bathroom so we pull off past the Deptford exit.  We assumed there would be an on ramp to get us back on the AC Expressway.  There wasn't.  We got directions but that led us onto the turnpike.  Before we knew it we were heading to Delaware.  It took us an extra hour and a half to get to her house.  This, on top of sitting in an hour of Philly traffic on the way.  Even with an early start, it is best to stay away from Philly at all costs on a Friday.  The important thing is we made it there alive.  My cousin welcomes us with open arms and makes us feel at home.  We enjoyed our time with our family very much and feel impatient for the next opportunity.  Now if only those pesky tolls could just stop going up!

It's been awhile since I've blogged dearest reader, so I apologize to those faithful few that check up on me.  I have only good news to tell.  After many angry tears, I was able to submit my essay.  I e-mailed my professor begging her to still accept it.  She wrote me back the next day saying no problem.  I wound up getting an A on the paper and an A for the class.  Hmm...what lessons have a learned from this debacle?  No more procrastinating!  Of course, I won't have half as much going on while taking this new class.  I'll even get a two week winter break!  This will allow me to get ahead of the game and lessen the potential amount of gray hairs on my head. 

Last week, I was a sub secretary to the Supervisor of Transportation. That also kept me busy.  I always have a new respect for moms who work full time when I get done a job like that.  I don't have it in me.  When I got home each night, I didn't want to cook dinner or help with homework.  I just wanted to veg in every sense.  That job had the potential to be high stress.  Those of you who never stepped into your child's transportation department would have a hard time appreciating the work that goes into that job.  It's also not a job for a mom of young children due to the long hours.  It kept me on my toes and I learned a lot.  The most interesting part was watching surveillance video from a junior high bus to catch students teasing another student.   The footage would be used as evidence against them.  Next week, I will be trained on the school district's switch board.  I have no idea what that entails, but whatever will look good on the resume is okay by me. 

Julian has developed a bad cough that even Mucinex hasn't helped.  The doctor has him on a strong cough med with codeine in it.  He said it has the potential to develop into bronchitis, so I'm monitoring it closely.  I bought an herbal remedy for lungs that contains chinese herbs at Vitamin World called Clear Lungs. It's supposed to bring all that bad stuff up.  I'll let you know if it works...

Madeleine is coming along nicely in her writing.  It amazes me how many words she can spell in so little time.  She'll have her first field trip on Monday to the school district planetarium.  Naturally, I'm going with her.  That's one place that will never cease being cool.  I can't wait to see how she reacts to being there.

I'm just chugging along here.  I'll save my most deep thoughts for the next post....until then, adieu! 

I am up at 3:30 waiting on hold with University of Phoenix tech support.  Any other day I wouldn't do this.  Sunday was the last day of my Teaching as a Profession class.  It is now technically Monday in both PA and AZ.  I had until 12:00 mountain time to post my 2,100 word essay.  Now in Arizona it is 12:34.  It has been impossible for me to access my class website and therefore impossible for me to post my paper.  The last time this happened that I didn't post it on time I didn't get credit for writing the paper.  I have been on hold since 2:00 a.m.  and hope that counts as making an effort to get my teacher the paper. 

I have refreshed the page a million times, and closed the browser to see if that would help. The problem is not on my end at all.  I get an error message that says the server is too busy.  It's very frustrating. 

I could have had this paper done a few days ago.  This has been one of the busiest weeks I've ever had.  Wednesday I babysat for one of the most wonderful families on the planet.  Then my check engine light goes on.  Wednesday night and Thursday were spent visiting my in-laws who are up from Florida.  My in-laws brought up a 12 year old girl, Alajandro, from their local congregation who had never been further north than North Carolina and  had never seen snow.  We immediately felt like adopting her even though she has a perfectly good home in Florida.  Friday I had time to do research for the paper while the in-laws graciously took my children shopping.  I was determined to show Alajandro snow even though there was no snow on the ground here and the ski slopes weren't open for business.  We took her to Bear Creek Ski Resort where a little area of snow was laid for snowboarders.  She loved it.  Saturday was my sister's bridal shower where I saw people I hadn't seen in 10 years.  On my way home, my friend Rachael called asking if she could come over because she was passing through my town.  Rachael never passes through like that, so I told her she could stop in.  My mother-in-law, brother-in-law, someday sister-in-law, and Alajandro were there already because they were passing through too.  So today I focused on my paper and now this.  I am far from being a social butterfly and this weekend demanded all my attention.  I didn't mind it, it's so nice catching up with people.  The timing is just impeccable though. 

Oh and in five hours my long lost high school best friend is coming for a visit.  I'll have to find time to get my car checked before I work full time the rest of the week as a sub.  Bill promised I would be teaching Drama Kids today which is at 5:30.  I wonder if a Drama Teacher ever went without sleep and could still be over the top for a bunch of kids while trying to impress her boss at the same time while having a phone glued to her ear.  Because, oh yes, I will still be in a cue waiting for this issue to get resolved.

Next week will be a momentous occasion.  I am seeing my best friend from high school who I haven't seen in 11 years.  She lives in England and will be visiting with family.  I remember when she had met a guy at college who was British and they quickly became inseparable.  They've been together all this time.  During the summer he spent with her at her parents' house, we hung out a few times.  One of those times we met up for a poetry reading at a local theater where I introduced them to a man with a local band.  This man had seen me perform in plays and liked my poetry from other times I read it at this theater. 

Well, the following month he sang a song to me during this poetry reading and presented me with a copy of it.  I remembered this now because it mentions my friend's husband in the song.  I'll let you read the lyrics to this song because it gives you a glimpse into my teenage years.  It's fun to look back on and see how others can view you.

send me your poetry

she has a way with words
hang on to you and seek no glory
try to imagine now
what do you suppose is her story?

send me your poetry
I got to get it in me
let's give it our identity
let's look it right in the face

send me your vanity
your "wallflower" your "Acid Queen"
multiply it by seventeen
let's put it all over the place

she gave me that fun loving smile
I gave her back her five dollar cover
wonder if she could tell
what I was thinkin', what I should have told her

her friends are Englishmen
and drummers in the band
she had the voice and hair
she did a cool Joplin there
stop me if I should stare
make it a gentle affair
some do's and don'ts you see
send me your poetry

--Scott Hanes 1996

Before you start to think I did acid in those days, one should recall the song Acid Queen from the musical Tommy that he was referencing.  I was blushing after he finished this song.  What teenage girl doesn't want a guy to sing a song for her and profess his "love" to her before all.  Well, things never work out how one thinks.  We never dated.  I would come to see him play at a local coffee shop (hence the line "five dollar cover").  One night, when he walked me to my car he said, "You know I'm married, right?"  Uh...no.  Simply because he did not wear a ring and I never saw him with anyone that would resemble a girlfriend let alone a wife.  That was the last time we saw eachother...naturally.  His band "Scooter and Pablo" has this little blurb if you google them and it notes that they broke up long ago.  I just thought this would be a neat little window into a bygone time in my life you might get a kick out of.  I plan to show it to my friend's husband to remind him of the impression he made just from the short amount of time he spent in our hometown.

Even though I didn't marry a songwriter, I married a poet. (Which is better in the long run since poets don't have groupies.)  I get a treat every six months or so that Julio has written me and they charm me just as much as they did when we were 16.  He's been coming out of hiding with his poetry lately--you'll have to check his blog about that under Vox Bomb in my blogroll.   I know most of the world knows him as a sci-fi addict and writer but to me he'll always be my poet.

Thanks to those for the words of comfort when I was tearing my hair out about my sister.  When I came home, she acted like nothing was wrong, so neither did I.  Although, I was so upset that day, I left my invitation to her surprise bridal shower on my fridge.  She texted me saying she was mad about that, but made sure not to read the date of it.   I'm sure that's something else I'll hear about through the grapevine...

But onto my exciting night of seeing the Decemberists live.  It is unlike me to get so pumped up over a band.  I saw my favorite singer/songwriter Dar Williams last year and didn't even bother to blog about it.  It's safe to say the music I feel passionate about is older stuff and it is rare for me to eagerly pursue getting tickets to a show.  I am on the band's e-mail list and did not hesitate to order tickets when I got the list of cities they were touring.  They are everything I love about folk music and rock rolled into one, and that statement does not begin to do the band justice. 

I had never been to the Electric Factory before and this was also my first time in a general admission standing area.  I was completely determined to be near the front row, much to the annoyance of Julio.  I'm like a horse with blinders on and have a one track mind until I reach my goal.  I was upset when I arrived two hours before the doors opened only to see a long line ahead of me.  I spent most of that time doing a bathroom dance and there is nothing else nearby, let alone a bathroom.  I asked one of the men in charge if I could just go in to use the bathroom.  He said I could motion to him when the doors open and he would wave me through.  I bolted inside and never went to the bathroom faster in my life.  I was upset to see a guard waiting for me to usher me back outside to the line when I got out.  No amount of whining let me stay.  As we walked toward the door, Julio was coming in and the guard rushed me through the ticket people to be let back in.  When I got to the stage there already was an unbudging line of front row people, but I should be okay with second row, right?  Julio pointed to the upstairs where you could see the band from a low balcony and sit at the same time.  I wouldn't have it, I wanted to be as close as possible.  This would be my mistake as you will soon read...

The opening band was Loch Lomond.  They were very good but in need of polishing.  Then when the Decemberists came out, everyone got out their digital cameras and camcorders.  Geez, I would have brought mine had I known that was now legal!  The girl in front of me recorded just about everything and she said she'd post it to Youtube.  When she does, I'd like to post it so you can relive with me how close I was to the stage.  Another added bonus was the radio station WXPN was broadcasting the entire show live over their website and made it available the next day.  The recording didn't do the show justice but I think you can hear me scream at one point!

It was great to see people of all age groups at this concert.  In the front row was a grand mom and there were parents that came with their teenagers.  How often do you see that?  Even though I had two tall teenage boys in front of me, the leader of the band, Colin Meloy made eye contact with me a few times while singing.  I thought I was pretty fortunate. 

The people who were the most fortunate were those in the balcony.  How you may ask?  I saw Colin singing to the balcony people when one of the women motioned him to come up to them.  I thought there was no way, but he managed it.  As the mic guy kept loosening his mic cord, Colin climbed up huge speakers to get to the crowd.  He was singing right in their faces.  Then some women start leaning in and tousling his hair, he didn't mind.  He still was singing all this time and at the end of the song, realized he can't come down the same way he crawled up.  He jumps into the balcony, lets people touch him more and finds an exit to the stage.  How cool. 

Only Colin would host a Russian dancing contest in the middle of the concert.  We all had to make room while some brave teenagers danced in the circle.  At one point he also had everyone sit on the floor while he laid down on stage and played guitar...not an easy task for a tightly packed audience.

Colin's crazy antics made up for the mellowness of his bandmates.  I always enjoy Jenny Conlee on keyboard and accordian but I didn't have a good view of her.  Chris Funk was right in front of our view and it was fun watching his facial expressions while performing.  Nate on string bass is always quiet and stays out of the limelight.  Last time in Philly, John the drummer was more flamboyant and entertaining.  The only time he left his drum set was for a duet with Colin as one of the encore performances, and that was a mellow song. 

After the show, we had the ability to meet Loch Lomond.  We bought their CD so they could sign it for us.  They were very friendly and truly appreciative of our compliments.  They answered every question we had about touring.  It won't be soon enough till the Decemberists come back to Philly.  I've put up some pictures from the internet that mirror our experience. 

It was nice to feel like we were 21 for a night.  Even though at 21, this was the last thing we were doing.  More like changing diapers and being up all night. And we probably won't be able to go out again till they come back next year...better line up a sitter now.

I read recently how more therapists are encouraging their patients to start blogs because of the therapeutic benefits it has.  It's like an online diary and for some reason having many people read your inner most thoughts can make the writer feel better about their life.   So here I am seeking comfort concerning another botched relationship.  This time it is my sister.  For years I have sought a close relationship with her and have tried to strengthen one.  I now know this is a useless attempt. 

Having such a dysfunctional childhood as we did, I would seek comfort  and the ability to vent through talking out things we went through.  No sooner did I get home but hear from my mother everything my sister and I talked about, even when I asked her not to discuss these things with my parents.  I confronted her about it, she cried and apologized.  The same thing would happen again.  So I learned quickly that there would be limits on our friendship.  I would just let her talk endlessly about whatever and I would listen, that would be the safest way. 

Well, I asked her to babysit for us so twice a year we can actually do something that doesn't concern parenting.  Winning the Nobel Peace Prize would be easier than finding a babysitter.  She was all we had and now I'm even regretting that.  My mother informs me this morning that my sister doesn't feel appreciated.  I don't know in what way.  The last time she babysat I told her how much I appreciated it.  It's only twice a year, not every week.  I know she was jealous I helped my brother move but had to cancel plans with her a few days after because I was SICK!  She didn't help my brother move because she can't stand him....see always dysFUNctional!  It's not like she is constantly asking me to do things with her and I always cancel. 

She has a temper and is always looking for something negative to think about someone or something.  I am the opposite.  I am a "people pleaser" and it eats me up to have someone think negatively about me.  So I am supposed to be so excited because I am going to the Decemberists concert tonight and all I can think of is her complaining to my parents about me.  Yes, it's nearly impossible for me to completely enjoy anything, there's always something that comes up when it involves other people.  I wish she could feel glad I can get out twice a year to enjoy myself instead of twisting it into something else.  My mother told me not to tell her I know.  Just go about everything like normal.  I wonder why we can't just talk like two adults.  She has a lot of growing up to do even though she's in her mid 20s.  So do I confront her with this "secret" information?  This will certainly be the last time she babysits for me either way...anyone know a good babysitter?

I was literally on the road from 9 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. today.  I had to pick Don up for an errand which was so fun.  I hadn't seen him in awhile and it was good to catch up.  It was the first time I got to see his new apartment in the retirement home.  It was small but a good size for one person.  We fell right into making jokes and odd references...like old times.  I took him back to his daughter's house for a bit.  She had asked me if I wanted some things she was giving away that were in the in-law suite.  It was the first time I was in that part of the house when it was so empty.  You know, I get so sentimental.  It felt so weird...it's a chapter that has come to a close.  Today was also Julian's appointment in Philadelphia so I picked him up from school, and dropped Don off on the way.  Not as easy as it sounds, if you know rush hour in my neck of the woods.  Traffic was it's usual heavily congested self and I am left feeling exhausted and thankful no homework is due tonight. 

I did talk to Bill of Drama Kids yesterday.  He said things have been really hectic dealing with his wife's ex (yawn...).  He said I have every right to ask for a paycheck and he will get one to me next week.  (Uh...yeah...)  So now I will start putting my foot down from here on out.  With me working but not getting compensation, it has hurt us and I can't put up with it anymore.  It doesn't help I got a $850 bill for work needed to my car yesterday as well. 

I need to veg for awhile and look forward to helping out in Madeleine's class tomorrow.  It has been such a great experience and strongly suggest parents volunteer as much as possible in their child's class.  I feel I know what's going on better, and get to see how Madeleine interacts with others and with her teacher.  I assist the children with "Kid Writing."  Definitely google it, because every parent should introduce it to their child when they start learning their letters.  There are precious memories volunteering you can't get anywhere else. One is a classic:  at snack time, when Madeleine opened her snack box, she saw I put two snacks in it.  She got so excited and announced to the class, "Mom, you rock!"  Everyone laughed.  She's come along way from when she'd get embarassed when I walked in the room, now she loves my visits every week. 

When is the most promising dream job a huge flop?  When Karen is involved.  Yes, I'm going to be a little negative, and a little frustrated tonight.  I have always wanted to have a job in drama.  Having two kids and different priorites, I have scaled back my ambition quite a bit.  In the meantime, I have worked some of the more humbling jobs to help provide for my family.  I thought it was about time I have a job I enjoy doing.  In the summer I was introduced to a director of the franchise Drama Kids International.  He told me how hard it was to find teachers and I agreed to an interview.  The interview went well and he called a month later to say he needed me in that week to start.  I observed him and at the end of class, he asked me, "Do you think you could do that?"  To which I wholeheartedly expressed, "Yes, I just need to be trained in the curriculum."  He said he would definitely train me, and we would discuss what I would get paid considering I am his assistant.  (We had only previously discussed what I would make if I was head teacher.)  So now I am at a month later.  I have observed him and lead the class a little.  No training.  No pay. 

I brought up the subject tonight.  I said to him, "Hey, when will I get a hold of those training books."  He said, "Oh, I have them in my other drama kids bag.  We'll have to pick a time and meet half way to go over them."  This is probably the second or third time we've had this conversation.  In the middle of our conversation, he sees a parent start up her car.  It was like a child seeing a shiny nickle.  The car had lights on the bottom of it, big deal.  He said, "Oh wow, I wonder what kind of car that is."  Since she just started it up, I said, "I guess you'll have to ask her next week."  He replied, as if in a determined trance, "No, I'll ask her now."  Leaving me looking like an idiot standing there.  So I just went to my car hoping (but not expecting) he would wave to me or say he'd call when he was done talking.  Nope.  I'm apparently asking too much. 

I can assume you'd say, "Hey, Karen this guy is a jerk, just cut your losses now."  You'd be right.   A big chunk of my brain is telling me the same thing.  Then I have this child-like positive inner voice saying, "Be a little more patient.  This could all pay off in the end."  Afterall, how many jobs in drama are offered around this little Pennsylvania Dutch area?  None.  Just in case there are more shiny cars in the parking lot the next time I try to speak to him, I am planning on sending him an e-mail if this week goes by as all the others. I am going to be addressing the issues at hand and demand to get some clear cut answers.  Tonight, I needed to blow off this steam, and appreciate you lending your computer screen to my plight.  I just wish something would go smoothy for once.